He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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