maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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