I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
