Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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