We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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