It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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