i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
