best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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