no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
