why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
