so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You are a genius and a whore.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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