So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
