Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
