I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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