yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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