i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
