How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
