this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
not ubering you a puppy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
