Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
