I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
