I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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