did you get engaged???
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think i have herpe
just one?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
