Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
