I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
