dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
