dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
