It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
