well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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