Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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