obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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