Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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