Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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