oh god the rape fog is back!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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