Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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