The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
