She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wear drunk well.
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