Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
