walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
