So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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