The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is the high leading the old right now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
