guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
