I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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