john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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