he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
