is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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