I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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