I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
