That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
