if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
