I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
