I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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