On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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