I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
